The 5 Most Embarrasing Moments Of Nintendo's E3 Conference
Sony Outlet Back To School Savings at Sony Style
It’s easy to just forget this year’s Nintendo conference, pretend it never happened, or ignore it entirely. That won’t change the fact that by and large, it was a miserable trainwreck of failure and easily the company’s worst in history. What went wrong? Oh, about a thousand things, really, but nobody has time to relive it. That’s why we here at the-minusworld.com have truncated the list into something a bit more consumable. Pure, concentrated embarrassment. Enjoy.
#5 - Cammy Dunaway Talks About Her Failed Snowboarding Trip
Nintendo Wii Bundle: Console + 3 Games $340 $400.00(15% OFF)
Months of anticipation! Millions of sales! The spotlight is on you, Nintendo! Oh man, they’re totally going to announce the next Zel…who the f*ck is this?!? Cammy Dunaway’s Snowy Getaway was not exactly the megaton us gamers expected. She looked about one facelift away from approaching Joan Rivers status and the meds were definitely in full effect. Whoever thought her snowboard trip injury photos would make a great segue way to the announcement of Shaun White Snowboarding should be buried under an avalanche.
#4 - Reggie Promises Software For Core Gamers And Then Gives Us The Middle Finger
I swear! There’s more than just casual crap here! Animal Crossing: City Folk and Wii Sports Resort were not exactly what we had in mind when we were promised hardcore games a few weeks back. Your grandmother will be happy to hear about how things went down today (if she can still hear anything) but color us disappointed. What happened to Nintendo’s multi billion dollar war chest? Was all the money spent on toddler market research and adult diapers?
#3 - An Audience Full Of Heartbroken, Unimpressed Crickets
Nintendo DS Customers Choice: Choose 2 Games for $25 $40.00(37% OFF)
Can you hear the excitement and applause? No? That’s because there wasn’t any, aside from the brustling of tumbleweeds and the gnashing of crickets chewing off their own limbs. Unless somebody announced Wii Pindrop.
#2 - Nobody Knew How To Actually Control Anything
When Monday’s announcement of Wii Motion Plus hit the web, Nintendo fan speculation was through the roof. 1:1 motion controls? Woo ha. That’s what we thought the Wii controller was supposed to offer since day one. Better late than never, right? Then Reggie demoed a jet ski mini game by waving his arms wildly and erratically steering like a kamikaze alcoholic stunt car driver and we were left more confused than informed. Next time hire somebody who actually plays video games to, you know, actually play your video game.
#1 - M Night Shyamalan Plays Wii Music Terribly
Fresh off his recent cinematic failure and clearly already desperate for work, an overly excited, underly rhythmic M Night Shyamalan waggled the night away as Wii Music’s honorary drummer. Beneath grating layers of 16 bit midi snares was the somber truth that this was Nintendo’s most embarrassing E3 ever. Sony and Microsoft could’ve just bricked into each others coffees and they still would’ve won by default. Here’s to hoping the rampant fan backlash gets heard over at the corporate offices. Wii doubt it.